Post #148

No I can't think of a nice title for the post. So sue me. Anyway...

I am sitting on the bed and listening to "Where is my mind" by the Pixies and the BRILLIANT lead guitar is stuck firmly in my head, mingled with the sound of a cigarette lighter clicking on and off continuously in a rhythm and it's forming one weird as hell remix in my head.

A song stuck in your head is apparently called an earworm. Now to my super visual imagination, I can picture a babel fish-like creature which thrives off the brainwaves containing the strains of the song and grows fatter and fatter till it dies of overkill and it eventually replaced by another baby earworm which then suffers the same fate since a song in my head can get unstuck only by inducing another one to get stuck there instead.

I'm back to college after the vacations and I was really looking forward to it. All my juniors looked at me in horror when I said I was waiting to come back and they did their whole "Naheee.. home is the bestest place in the entire world and college is an infliction upon us that 5 years of purgatory will cure." I was that way too once upon a time. Things just happen in college all the time. There are simply so many things to do. After a month of sitting on one's steadily bloating ass and staring gloomily at the television/computer/wall because all your friends are working/studying for exams/attending college instead of meeting you (which is one of the main attractions of coming home in the first place), you just want to DO something. And there's no shortage of that in college. It even gets a bit much sometimes. Also, there's always full on drama all the time. People around you behave as though they are in one big soap opera which is too juicy to not observe. If people are not hooking up, they are breaking up. If they are not breaking up, they are cheating on each other. Ex boyfriend slaps new boyfriend while girlfriend unhappily intervenes. 10 girls gang up on one and yell at her for offending one of their friends. Kleptomaniacs are caught, juniors are ragged, games are played around you and with you. When you're involved, it's not always fun. But it might just be better than mind numbing boredom that arises out of continuous nothingness. Ok it's not. But it's something to do nonetheless.

A friend who is famous for saying the most fantastically insane things without meaning to has already made me rejoice to be back in college and it's been just two days. When she was recounting a story about how some crows were fighting in mid air and she threw a biscuit at them, she popped out this little gem: "Dude the crows just pounced on the biscuit in mid air. It was like Tom Cruise, only it was a crow!" Another time, she remarked on the women who used to keep a maun vrath in the olden days: "If women kept maun vrath, people poured water on their heads. So not only must one be completely silent, one must be silent while water is copiously being poured on their heads. Raw deal man.. what nonsense." On commenting on how boys seem to take pride in giving their girlfriends hickeys, she says "What our necks are Taj Mahals or what that any boy can come and write his love story there?" While bemoaning the lack of any decent guys in college capable of giving us any sort of action she came up with "We might just have to turn lesbians out of necessity. And then we can tell all the guys out there who want us 'IN YOUR FACE... only.. we're NOT!'" And she tops this all off by saying "I am in your room. That means your room is now filled with awesomeness. Consider yourself blessed. I really must sleep, mustn't I?"Ah Dibba, (Divya Srikanth, just for Google's sake) keep it up. We shall keep chronicling this in the name of public interest. Yes, you're most welcome. :D

All hail college life. Now let's hope we get out alive.

I am Jack's fractured sense of being

She sat on the couch and stared blankly at the TV. It wasn't fully in focus but she didn't really care. It crossed her mind that she should probably get a move on and start working, but she wasn't too inclined to do so. A thought tentatively made its way up to her and timidly suggested that perhaps she might want to sit up straight and take some care of herself, perhaps tidy herself up a bit, but again, she told it to take a hike. (The thought crept away in defeat and ended up with a woman who got a mega makeover and landed the guy of her dreams so perhaps the girl might have felt bitter about dismissing the thought had she known, but she didn't. It was her loss nonetheless.)

She wasn't really interested what was playing on television, she wasn't watching it with too much involvement anyway. A movie was on. A happy ending came up. She got a bit teary eyed at the ending, as she always did, whatever be the movie. She started crying. But then, unlike normal circumstances, she kept going, on and on, breaking down completely and going at it again with renewed vigour just when it seemed she was calming down a bit, not knowing why, but being sure that the happy reunion of the long lost lovers on screen was not the reason for her waterworks. She just need an excuse to get hysterical.

"Ach, this was bound to happen", she sighed, after she was too spent to cry anymore, "This is probably what happens when you feel like you're a couple dozen punches, a lot of blood and some kick ass dialogues away from turning into Tyler Durden."

Spooked

I've said it before. Talking nonsense is one of the most glorious things a person can do. With a person who understands that it's utter nonsense and participates fully with that spirit, of course. But of course, once in a while, we encounter some brilliant people who think all of it is beneath them and seek to enlighten us about the same.

A classic example is seen when I was having a conversation with A , regarding our friendly hostel ghost that us girls summoned when bored to tears during a blackout. A seance was duly conducted, makeshift ouija board made, mood lighting given with candle stumps and viola!

His name is Rameshwar. Affectionately called Ramu. He was habituated to living in an empty room on the ground floor of the hostel but when someone moved into that room, he was in a quandry.

Now me and A were sitting and discussing the particular predicament. We wondered if Ramu visited the girl who occupied his old room and whether she enjoyed his company. Whether she even knew if Ramu visited his old room from time to time and what those two were upto when she mysteriously disappeared into her room at odd times. About where he would now live. We concluded that he had now shifted to the empty room containing the communal fridge. We congratulated ourselves on single (double?) handedly solving the mystery of the missing chocolates from said fridge.

We were in the throes of discussing whether Ramu actually ate the chocolates or gave them to visiting spooks when a voice piped up. It was self assured. It was overconfident. It spoke with an air of pitying us fools to whom such obvious wisdom had to be imparted. It said, "Uhh guys... You know... There's no such thing as ghosts."

Sigh.

It's people like this we should stay far far away from.

Much laughings, yes.

I am currently reading A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth. Apart from the fact that it is like a long 1500 page version of a typical masala Bollywood movie, and I can just imagine all the characters upping themselves and shimmying together to Shava shava a-la Kareena Kapoor, I always think of one thing when I pick it up. This is all hearsay, mind you.

When the book was just released, I was around 3 years old or so, thinking of course that I was the next best thing to Nutties in butterscotch ice cream (What? It's the height of brilliance I tell you.) One day, probably when I was out foraging for Nutties, I overheard my dad mention the name of the book. It was then I promptly marched up to him and very authoritatively demanded "I want A Suit of a Boy too!"

Yes, I am still teased by my parents for the most incongruous of things. Like the time I trapped a kitten in my carry bag. But that's another story. Sigh, the injustices of life.

You can well imagine that my first full English sentence ever spoken was "I school go", no?

The TV Guide to the Galaxy

When life is boring, we want excitement. When we get excitement, we want some more. When excitement turns into drama, life turns into a soap opera. Now no one wants that. It just seems a lot cooler to be living in a soap opera. Before you're amidst all the thundering background music, big bindis, crying heroines and bitchy vamps of course. Only then we tadpo to have the boring old reality show back.

Now I would like to be living in a perpetual episode of Full House. Everyone is always all happy happy. Or maybe Small Wonder. Then I would have all the cool robotic abilities.

Pah. I know. Life should be one big chapter of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. There's space, depressed robots, planets being destroyed and annoying talking computers. Who's with me?
Disclaimer: Tea does not exist in such a life. Now choose wisely.

Think Pink

Sights and sounds seen around the beautiful city of Bombay... Well, whatever complaints people may have about this place, be it about the traffic, the humidity, the innumerable eunuchs, no one can say this Bombay is not supremely entertaining. The things are enough to make one laugh out loud, and then some. And one needn't even keep one's eyes peeled for the same. Here are two doozies I happened to witness in the last few days. God bless camera phones.


Exhibit A



Lady, did a drunk pack of candyfloss throw up all over you? Or are you simply campaign manager for "Barbie for President"?Or perhaps it's to perpetuate the Bubblegum look. Whatever it is, thank you! You made a dreary Monday morning on the way to work a whole lot more fun. :D


Exhibit B

It looks like Axe is launching a new range of car perfumes. Move over AmbiPure Car... Now not only do people want their car smelling fresh and floral, they now want it to be a babe magnet. Looks like this car was on the way back from filming the commercial. Ok but jokes apart, though it kills me to say that, WHY would someone do this to their vehicle? Anyone?

Selfishly exhausted by the green canoodling bubbles.

We must exist for ourselves and ourselves alone. People and things exist just to make us happy. Us, and us alone. If they don't, hey be selfish, out they go. When you feel happy because of something you have done, nothing can be better than that. Better than anyone doing something for you, which is unlikely in the first place. Others are selfish. Live with that belief and not only will you be content, you're likely to be greatly surprised several times in life.

The pleasure of exhaustion is sweet. Masochistic as that sounds, the feeling of being dead beat voluntarily, of feeling absolutely worn out physically can give one a real high.

The word bubble is one of THE cutest words in the English Language. Say it with me and you'll see it. Bubble. Bub-ble. BUBB-LE. Those who saw the inherent cuteness, you're my kinda folk. Mosey on over to the comments section and give me a big ol’ high-five! :D

The colour green is quite soothing. Even dhinchaak fluorescent green that initially makes you feel like a plant when you're surrounded by the colour. Like hotels always say location, location, location; with colours, it's all about lighting, lighting, lighting. Yes. That, my friend was pointless. You did not miss some deeper meaning that was supposedly intended.

The word canoodle is another fascinatingly cute word. I can't help but picture two giant strands of spaghetti making out with each other whenever I hear the word. And I adore using it in sentences. Even when absolutely not required.

Recently, a Gilmore Girls fan told me that the series insists that the cutest sentence in the world is "Oye with the poodles". Hey, who am I to dispute the veracity of Gilmore Girls. Me and said GG fan came up with the new and improved cutest sentence in the world. Behold- "Oye with the poodles canoodling in the bubble". It rock-eth! :D

Blogging when you’re bouncing off the bright green walls for no apparent reason leads to a stream of consciousness that looks something like the above. For purposes of study alone, it shall not be deleted but exposed to the public for the forthcoming important observations.

:P

Panic.. please!

Recently, I was given a birthday gift in the shape of a beer mug with a green planet sticking its toungue out at me painted on it, with the words "Don't Panic" written beneath it in big friendly letters. The timing wished it, and the person who gave it to wished it even more. Hence, I used the mug to drink coffee. Gallons and gallons of eyeball-poppingly strong black coffee everyday durng my exams, to help me stay up and study. Seems I took the big friendly letters to heart.

Never before have I been so relaxed while studying. And it wasn't a good way, mind you. The end of every semester usually sees me fervently poring over my books, snapping at people who disturb me, wandering around muttering under my breath and basically managing to look utterly and completely deranged. Yes, I panic. But this time, noo... I was lounging in my room as though giving the paper the next day was an option that was left to my fabulous self to decide. Studying the material as though it was some light reading that I was perusing to fill the time in between photo shoots. I had myself pausing in between mugs of coffee to wonder- "Hmm.. I'm not that worried.. should I worry about THAT?" Damn you, pretty beer mug.

Another thing that was new in the whole latest exam experience. Hallucinations Inc. Now daydreaming during exams is something every normal person does. So is briefly napping in between answers. But a girl who has had 4 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours, sleeping whilst in the middle of a sentence and writing gibberish until she wakes up and realises she's written "The whole human genome is expressed because dah-ling, that's not a very common occurrence, you see", not that normal. Mildly worrying in fact. Canceling aforementioned sentence after looking at in in bemusement for 3 minutes, then proceeding to hallucinate fictional characters spouting super witty monologues while wishing they would speak slower so she could note it down yet regretfully realising that she can't do so anyway because she's supposed to be writing her exam- no, definitely not normal. Very worrying. Needless to say, the exam was a disaster of Vesuvian proportions.

Don't Panic indeed. Hmph.

Where knowledge is wealth.

5K is one who spouts more useless knowledge than anyone I have ever known. Fondly called arbit gyaan, it comes at any given time, especially when you least expect it. While sleeping in class one shall be woken up to be told the different types of whiskey and how much alcohol exactly is in each one of them and how each one is made. While trying not to spill dal on oneself in the crowded mess, one shall be treated to the mesmerising details of the specifications of super-complex razors. When moaning over the huge syllabus of an impending test, one is cheered up by having recited to them details of all the different dialects of Punjabi. Is it any wonder then that he is fondly called the "back of a Navneet notebook" (Just by me actually. It never caught on. Wonder why.)

The other day, when I was being treated to a random discourse on the specifications of ASCII values of keyboards for encryption, I was overcome with admiration for and gratitude for all the knowledge I had gained simply by his companionship. For the next two minutes, he couldn't get a word in between what I was saying (rare, for this one). My monologue went something like this:

"I art eternally grateful to thee for all the knowledge conferred upon me, an undeserving soul who hast been blessed with thy words. Thou art the god of arbit gyaan and thou must be honoured. A shrine shall be erected in thy name and followers shall flock from ever corner to bathe in the holy presence that it shalt exude. The aura of knowledge that shalt pervade the shrine shalt be soaked up by one and all and all thine followers shalt bring other people, to make them believe. We shalt go forth and propagate the wonder that is thy arbit gyaan and spread thy word far and wide. Every week an offering of chicken tikka shalt be made to your shrine which thou shalt grace and bless so that thy followers may eat and prosper."

Needless to say, he was amused. And not happy that he wouldn't a weekly dose of free chicken tikka at his own shrine.

Boys. Sheesh. Never satisfied.

And yes, Navneet's tagline IS "Where knowledge is wealth."

The why and how of things

Why are some people eternally in quest for the truth? To discover where we have come from, where we are going... In order to find that point which determined that we shall be the way we are. It is because these people are troubled? Is it because they were born to uncover the mysteries that plague civilisation? Or is it because they crave an unending puzzle; something that will keep them occupied with no near hope of getting a solution, so that they can ignore their own demons and try to crack the rhetorical questions that other people utter on pretentious first dates without a care in the world? Are they the kind of people who, after solving such a mystery, would take up another practically un-doable task? Or is it because it's abysmally early on a should-have-been-lazy Saturday morning and lack of food has made them believe that their extreme hunger is caused due to the eternal unanswered questions lurking in the shadows of humankind?

Bet you didn't see that coming.